Time lines and Trust

In the wonderful world of dating there is a lot of protocols and doubts.  A lot of the time these two avenues cross and leave us confused on what exactly we are suppose to be doing. What do you do when you are lost in the intersection? Turn to a friend? Your girl friends will coddle you and your guy friends will think you are crazy (which we are crazy because of dating). If you talk to the guy, then just write it off as another failed attempt. You fester and doubt until either you drive yourself or the man out or till it becomes a stable relationship which now you have already had a rocky start within yourself.

When is it that you take down your profile on the online dating site?  When do you tell the other guys you are seeing someone? Has he done any of this? When in gods name is it OK to sleep with him? OK my answer for that is clearly when is the first time he sees me with one too many drinks. I will be the first to admit I will talk and date others until told otherwise but do not like when they are doing the same thing. I am truly lost on where on the time line I am. One minute I am as happy as a clam the next I am doubting everything. I am fine with talking about the future (and by that I mean 3 weeks down the road) but jokes about weddings? Talking about kids? Common there has to a general time line for this crap.

Everything starts on the same time line. First date and first weeks are touch and go. You probably are still considering yourself single and guess what so is he. Half the time you look at him with butterflies and gratitude the other half you look at him with doubt and questions. By the time doubt has left you have built this wonderful wall up for him to see. Like the Berlin wall by the time it comes down the damage has already been done. He already thinks you are a guarded, self preserving snob. When in reality you just spent the last month double check, memorizing, and worrying about EVERYTHING. Screw middle school, dating screw up the female brain more than any prepubescent travesties. Guys worry about how you look naked. What do you, genetically, bring to the table. Can you be trusted. The big T word.  You start with all the trust in the world. It grows weaker or stronger in these weeks. Problem is you have just spent the last month building a wall so he thinks you are not only disengaged and uninterested but short of a full set.  Looks like you are back to the drawing board and back to the repetitive cycle.

What box am I looking for?

When dating you set up perimeters for your self. What physically are you willing to allow or are deal breakers? What is your age bracket for someone to be an appropriate candidate? I am not talking about just someone you are going to pork and bail on. Someone that you would date, bring out with the friends, introduce to the parent(s). 99% of the time you can call them like you see them. Too old, fat, bald, skinny, young; vanity at its finest. What happens when you flirt, get your way and make the connection then find out you miss guessed? It is usually when you over guess their age by a year or two and then you cave in. What happens when you under-guess their age by almost 20 years? At first I think hey at least he looks young? 20 years... OK so in actuality it was only 18 years I was off by. He is in his 40's. There is a 13 year different. His favorite band was formed in 1968, 5 years before my mom graduated high school, and one year before he was born.

At first it was fine, who doesn't like a good classic rock band? Then I found out he has lost a parent. How sad to lose a parent so young? Wait he lost his parent at 40? My Grandfather died when my mom was 36 and her older bro was 42. That is not really that young to lose a parent but sad none the less. He was 13 when I was born. My mom was in labor and he was pulling his own chain. Back to the old adage, whats in an age?

If this is Austin...

I hate, detest, abhor, dislike, have opposition to, admire, adore, fancy, have a fondness for this man. He drives me absolutely insane. He gets a name, Austin. He is a major player in my book and 50% of the time he is no good for me. He is my Austin (Blake Shelton, If this is Austin). He acts like it too. He never knows what he wants. I do not even believe he knows who he is. He talks to me when he can. It is all on his time. Those are a few of his flaws...

He never has forgotten about me. He takes me for who I am. He gets me. He makes me happy no matter how much I want to hit him. He erases all the stress. When he looks at me he never stops. He holds my hand. He won't give up. He tries.

Austin and I have been doing our dance since early July and not once since the first day I saw him has he been out of my mind for a whole day. I have done everything to get him out of my mind. Delete his number, block his fb, dated others... nothing has worked. I finally decided to take him as what he is, the man I care about. I am better off with him in my life than I am when he is nothing. I do not want to be talked out of him. He has done a lot for me as a person.

He has helped me grow. He has made me be weak. For most people being weak is not an attribute you would desire for someone to make you. I need someone to make me weak. It is too hard to be strong 100% of the time. It makes you callous to everyone and everything around you. He makes me back down and look for greatness in frustration. I hear him in every song, good or bad. I look for the best in him and hope that one day I get to see it. It is a privilege for me to have him in my life and despite the way he acts I know he is glad I am in his.  How do I know? Because no matter what he still comes around. He generally cares. I push him away and he pushes back.

I don't know what his underlining role in my life is but I can tell you that he is a player in my life and I won't have him any other way. I have to learn to bite the bullet with him. We are now "talking". Before we use to spew facts, opinions, and insults AT each other. We did grow and now we talk TO each other.

I like our dance... though it may not have rhythm and may be random, I like our dance. I may try to dance with others and I may not like it from anyone else. It is an awkward, beatless dance but it is ours. 

It's not Judging it's Qualifying..

We all have to be qualified to get a job, so why don't we qualify our dates?
RELATIONSHIP QUALIFICATIONS- Take the 5 most important things you want in a relationship and ask the questions. The deal breakers...

1. Do you want to get married or not?
2. Do you want children or not?
3. Is Senses of Humor important?
4. Looks?
5. Goal oriented?

Don't start dating a man/woman if the answers are the opposite of what you want. You will never change his/her mind..NEVER. If you think you will it is only going to end up bad, and you deserve someone who wants what you want.

Tell him/her what your looking for in a mate within the 1st month or sober conversation. Ask him what he wants..If his response is to be physical and have fun together most likely u are the Transfer Chick. TRANSFER CHICK=The girl after a major breakup that helps him get over the "EX" that will NEVER be "the One". Why? Because you will forever remind him of the "EX".

BOOTY CALL QUALIFICATIONS

1. Check the man/woman out..talk to him, nothing personal..is he smart or stupid? Stupid is easy to have this relationship with, smart is questionable..
2. GO BIG! What do you have to lose?
3. Don't settle. Every guy wants a piece of booty. Find the best looking man you can, set your sites and go get him.
4. Don't know his last name and Don't give him your first..use an alias.
5. Be honest tell him he was or is a piece and he can keep bing that as long as he doesn't ask questions. Once he askes questions..HE IS OUT!
6. Don't be friends, it is way to complicated. Someone always ends up wanting more and it is easier to walk from a stranger then a friend. You end up feeling bad which=guilt which= a relationship based on the above and your going to lose a friend anyways....

QUALIFY PEOPLE, QUALIFY!

3 day rule... eff off

three day rule: A rule used by douchebag guys who think that waiting three days after a date to call means that the girl will want them more, when really it just pisses them off. I thought he was blowing me off, but he totally three day ruled me. Classic. 

Guys have a three day rule for calling a girl after the first time the receive their phone numbers. What else does this rule pertain to? What about sex... do you wait three days after the first time to take them to the sack again? What about the first date... do you wait three days to call them or talk to them again? I know this sounds foolish but so does the three day rule in general.


If you look at it, the 3dr (three day rule) is the more a cause for relationship strife and the general pissyness of the female sex more then asinine 3 am text messages or disgusting facebook status updates. No girl likes to wait three days to receive a call or texts from a suitor that she at one point felt was suitable. After 3 days you have went from one cool dude to some frustrating jack hole I met this one time.

3dr falls in the same boat as only talking to a female once a week or talking to them a week straight then off again for two. Women are not on a fireman/ doctors schedule; two days off one on. If you talk to us 7 days straight we do not save up those million text and hours of useless convo and apply them to the times you decide to be an ass hat. We are females and have an abundance of estrogen and bleed 5-7 days w/out dying, our formed opinion of you can change within 72 hours. You can not save up time with us, we are not you local unfriendly HR representative. If you like us let us know, if you don't let us know, if you want to be in our pants try being nice!

To Google or not to Google..that is the question?

I have always been a taught to believe what people say to you until they give u a reason not to. So when it comes to meeting someone new do you believe them or do you Google them? I met guy a couple years ago in a bar/restaurant. The bar was a whole in the wall, the men weren't something to be desired until "he" came walking in. Tall, meduim build, tan, bald and straight from the army. We will call him"Army guy". He sat down next to me, ordered a drink and preceeded to watch some sport show on the TV. Being a people person I found this to be a great opportunity to start up conversation, a conversation that lasted for two hours, then we went to another place and the conversation kept going. Turned out he was divorce with two children and live 1 1/2 hrs away. Is distance a problem? In my mind I thought well lets see where this ends up going, give it the old college try! Well we exchanged numbers, talked for a couple days and decided that we should meet. He asked me to come out to his place, remember a distance away, to go hiking in the woods. I told him I think not on the hiking but dinner and a movie would be great! We set the date...I knew that for me I had to make it in the next couple days or I would run the other direction, find some reason not to go..u know nerves! We kept talking on the phone, lady's ask questions not question's about you but about him i.e. if married.. how long? try and get her name, where they lived..children..what are there names? you get the point. Make sure when you ask you make it his idea to tell you DON"T GRILL HIM, he will not give the info needed. Anyways, I asked these questions and got the answers, I was more curious then anything. It wasn't till the day we were supposed to meet that I was feeling strange about everything. Remember believe what they tell you until they give you a reason not to! Well Void that..I don't Google people but for some reason 2 hours before I was supposed to leave I decided to Google him. I looked up his name..nothing, looked up the place where he lived and finally something...I was so excited, was he for real? Was he the great guy I thought? Well turned out the link was for the court system, you know public records. I read everything, can you say in shock.. "Army guy" still married, retraining order for domestic abuse and so on...I called "Army guy" cancelled the date. Chalk it off as a lesson learned. Lady's when it comes to anyone if your nervous about something other then the obvious, have a crazy feeling about someone..GOOGLE HIM!

Pro and Cons to online dating

Pros... because doing the cons first is depressing

1. You are not drunk when you meet them
2. You actually have real conversations with someone 
3. You can screen the freaks out before engaging 
4. Its always on your time
5. You know their grammar and education before explaining to them what narcissism is
6. You know if they have children before you sleep with them... see number 1

Cons... They really suck

1. Some people take really good pictures but look really bad
2. Typing is way easier than talking
3. You can multi task on a computer where you can not when you are face to face
4. You eventually have to meet them
5. You may have already logged to many hours but face to face there is nothing more
6. Most people only post face pics 
7. Most men lie about their height
8. THERE ARE A LOT OF OLD UGLY FREAKS